


The Edge

by Stereks_child



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Depression, Graphic Description, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:20:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26257798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stereks_child/pseuds/Stereks_child
Summary: this is just me projectingplease please PLEASE take caution. when reading this because there is VERY graphic descriptions of self harming so please do NOT read if itll trigger you in anywayalso please tell me if I need to tag more and add more warnings beacuse i realy don't know so please tell methank you to Maria for helping me and reading this during work AND for giving me the title name 😭😭💙💙💕💕
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	The Edge

Jisung was tired. He was so so tired. He felt like he couldn’t do it anymore, it got like this sometimes, especially when he was alone in the apartment. His boyfriends are at the studio, composing another great big hit for there underground rapping gigs. He should be with them, he knows he should, it’s just. Sometimes he can’t build up the courage to get out of bed, he just lays there, staring at the ceiling and wondering “why am I here? what’s my purpose? Am I supposed to be doing something more? Will I still be here tomorrow?” then the voices in his head get louder and louder and suddenly he’s wincing in pain and pulling himself out of his head to look at the scratches he’s leaving all along his arms. Sometimes it works, sometimes he has blood running down from his shoulders to the tips of his fingers before he notices how the voices took over all his sense of pain or reality.

It’s not always like this. He’s a funny carefree and bright boy, some days he even rivals the sun’s rays. He’s in a loving relationship with two amazing guys, he couldn’t love those two fools more even if he tried, they’ve been together since the beginning of time it feels like really. Ever since toddler Chan came toddling over to see what Changbin was looking at all those 20 plus years ago, there moms tell the story of how the trio came to be, every family gathering, how the two boys immediately befriended little baby Jisung, how they would love and protect him as he grew up with them. The 3 of them are something special, at least that’s what everyone who meets the trio says. He loves them, and he doesn’t think he would be who he is without them.

Which is why he’s even more upset with himself at what he’s about to do.

He hasn’t done this since he was 18, and it started when he was 14, when he was made to live with his father who was practically a stranger to him. Ripped away from his mother, the woman who raised him all on her own and did what she could to make him happy and know he was loved. When his life changed, for the better? He didn’t think so. 

He went into the bathroom, locked the door and turned on the shower, the way he always did it. It was comforting in a way, a routine he doesn’t think he could ever forget, no matter how much he tried. 

It was funny really, how his father or step mother never noticed the scars, the way they preached about how much they cared about him and his well-being, they never once noticed even when it was so glaringly obvious and in there face, when doing the damn dishes while there door was wide open and he would wear short sleeve shirts, they still never noticed. The only ones who ever noticed were Chan and Changbin, they always noticed. But when it was something to do with school, that’s when his father would notice, that’s when the yelling would start, the limitations on what he was and wasn’t allowed to do, and even one time, he had been hit. It wasn’t anything bruise worthy but, his father, or the man that was supposed to be his father, the one that’s supposed to care and love you and look out for you, had raised a hand to him. Jisung likes to think that’s the night everything came into light that, that’s when everything had changed, when his father knew something was different. When Jisung actually talked back and fought for himself, for the first time, it was scary, but also liberating. 

Yeah, everything changed that night. 

Jisung misses his mom. That’s what started this whole down spiral, that’s why he’s sitting on the bathroom floor with the sharpest knife he could find in the kitchen. It isn’t really the only reason, work has been hell lately. He feels angry at the world, for no particular reason either. Changbin could be walking across the hall to the bathroom talking about something to Chan and Jisung, but Jisung is only half listening and he cant help but think how fucking annoying he is at that moment and Jisung just wants him to shut the hell up, or Chan will be eating and Jisung just wants to toss the spoon he’s using for his yogurt, the one he didn’t even bother to mix, across the room and Jisung cant help but think how disgusting it looks or how disgusting Chan looks. He feels horrible and sorry for thinking those thoughts, but he’s just so angry and he has no clue why. 

Jisung is about 5 drags of the knife in when he remembers his phone is in the bedroom across the apartment. Oh well he thinks, no one needs him right now, or ever really, which was another nice incentive to slice open his honey skin, because one wrong move could have him bleeding out in minutes. Then he would really be gone for good. Sometimes he has thoughts of cutting open his wrist to reveal the vein, and to oh so carefully grab the vein, and puncture it. 

Jisung knows it isn’t realistically possible but he likes the image it creates in his head either way. He thinks it’s a beautiful picture.

Jisung was so caught up in making X's all over his forearm and making long drawn out lines vertically and horizontally all across his abdomen, that he didn’t hear the front door opening, or even the loud laughing voices of his boyfriends, the ones who are supposed to still be at the studio. He only knew they were home when Changbin knocked on the door and called out to him, it startled him, badly enough that he sunk the knife deeper against his skin than he’d meant to, he’s never gone this deep before. He didn’t mean to go so far.

Jisung yelped a bit at the feeling, it was a bit odd to feel the knife so deep, Jisung can see the blood starting to come up to the surface of his skin. “Jisung? Love? are you alright in there? Why is the door locked?!” Changbin had called out to him, Jisung can hear the worry start to creep up in his voice, and honestly Jisung is getting a little worried him self, the blood is starting to pool and slowly drip down the side of his arm, its a lot more blood than he’s used to when he does this. 

Jisung can hear Changbin calling for Chan as he knocks and jiggles the door knob trying to get into the bathroom, Jisung really should get up, needs to get up really. The floor is comfy though, so he opts to do a kind of half crawl, towards the door. “Han Jisung you open this door right now, what are you doing in there!?” Chan sounds a little panicked, Jisung can tell he’s crying. At this point Jisung reached the door, it took lots of energy to do though, he kind of wants to take a nap. “Channie…Binnie… I’m tired” it’s the first time Jisung has spoken all day, he’s not sure if the two boys heard him or not. “Jisung, baby open the door and we can all take a nap, all three of us, but you need to open the door please baby, open the door for us" Chan sounded desperate. “I-I cant…im so tired channie” he is really tired, he can’t help but slump against the door. “baby you need to try come on open the door I know you can do it, do it for binnie yeah??!” Changbin says frantically. “mm for binnie…okay" Jisung says to no one in particular, everything is starting to get a little fuzzy. He stretches his arm as far as he could to grasp the handle, his hand slips once, but the second time he gets it right, by sheer luck really, because right after he unlocks the door, his hand just falls, and so does he.

“I’m sorry.” Is the last thing Jisung says. 

The bathroom walls where the only ones that knew what really occurred and the true horror on the boys faces as they entered

They take in the blood that’s soaked into Jisung’s shirt, on the ground where his arm lay, cut up and battered beyond hell. The streaky trail of blood from the shower to where jisungs lifeless body lays. They shake him and shake him and try to put pressure against the biggest cut hoping it’ll do something, but its to late. Jisung’s lost to much blood for there to be anything they could do. They sit together, all three of them, Chan and Changbin holding Jisung’s body between there’s. They just hold him and crying.

They sit there for at least four hours, the tears have stopped but the memories of all three of them haven’t. it’ll never be the same again. 


End file.
